Testimonials
My Birth Story With Mandy By My Side
By Kristina Davis
By Kristina Davis
Three years ago, I gave birth to my first daughter in a hospital. My husband and I attended a 12-week series of childbirth classes, and we felt like we could handle the birth situation on our own. I didn’t think I needed a doula, and our birth went relatively well. My birth plan was respected and I was only at the hospital for 3 and a half hours before I had the baby.
In the months that followed, as we processed our birth, we realized that there were many little things that could have gone much better. My nurse was a terribly negative presence. I wish someone would have asked for me to be reassigned a different nurse. But with only my husband attending to me, there wasn’t a lot of energy that could be directed into the details. He had to stay right by my side and help me keep my focus on relaxation. I don’t even think he got a “bathroom break.” I don’t know what he would have done if I would have labored through the night!
Also, my hospital midwife performed an episiotomy something I’d really wanted to avoid. But we felt like we lost our voice when she announced it was time to get one, that I wasn’t capable of stretching any further. My recovery from that needless intervention was long and painful as well as emotional.
Our decision to hire a doula for our second birth was an easy one to make. Having another loving, empathetic person with us who would be wholly committed to our contentment and satisfaction with the birthing process was going to round out the birthing experience for us. She would be a resource for my husband as he supported me, as well as a support for me as I focused on laboring.
After talking with various doulas, it was obvious that Mandy was our first choice. Her confidence, knowledge, her intuition and sense of humor are just the beginning of what makes her a fantastic doula. We were immediately convinced that she would be what we needed—even though no one can tell what it is they will need in their birth. Birth is an unpredictable experience. The perfect doula will interpret their role as the experience unfolds. Mandy’s service of my needs in birth was a fluid dance—she was able to take direction when I gave it and interpret my needs when I didn’t direct her.
As it turned out, I went into labor the evening before my due date. My girlfriends were hosting a Mother Blessing party for me at 7pm, and Mandy was in attendance. My contractions began about 10 minutes before the party did! I thought maybe I was just excited, and that they’d settle down. But they only got more and more intense as the Blessing party got into full swing.
The intention of the party was to send me into this journey blessed, strong, encouraged, and full of love—I don’t think anyone anticipated that it would be interpreted by the baby so literally! The table was beautifully decorated and the girls had all sat down to sip, snack and decorate their Tibetan prayer flags, which would hang at my birth to encourage me along the way. Before long, the girls shifted into a more serious mode, painting furiously to get their flags done, feeling the unforeseen deadline approaching.
At about 7:30, I left the table to lie on the couch and see if the contractions would subside. Mandy stayed right by my side, a quiet, strong presence that I leaned into. By 8:00, I knew we had to get to the birth center. Mandy paged the midwife and called my husband to let him know this was "it." I was starting to pull into my internal labor mode, eyes closed, focusing inward to maintain relaxation as the contractions began to overwhelm my body.
I had an overwhelming urge to use the bathroom and when I got up off the couch, my contractions gained intensity. It took a few minutes to make it across the room to the bathroom. This labor was going WAY faster than I had anticipated. When I got up off the toilet, I realized that I no longer had breaks in between contractions—they were one on top of another. I got down on the ground to rock on all fours and try to bear the intensity. And then the biggest surprise came—I began to PUSH! I couldn’t believe what my body was doing! I didn’t know what to do at that point.
Mandy was managing all the details. She instructed one friend to go pick up my daughter, who would be in attendance at the birth. Another girl was to get towels for the car ride. Another friend she told to get my birth-bag out of my trunk. I don’t know exactly what else she was saying, but I know that she absolutely kept everything under control in a moment when I was completely OUT of control.
We got into the car, Mandy under one arm and my sister under the other. The car ride was short and quiet, with very few contractions—something for which I gave quiet thanks. We arrived at the birth center at 8:45. Mandy helped me get in and lie down on the bed. My midwife checked my dilation and I heard her say, “She’s complete!”—which of course I already knew!
I continued to push while the birthing tub was filling with water. Mandy applied lower back pressure while my husband held my leg up as I laid on my side, pushing as the urge came. What I really wanted was to get in that tub!! Once it was full enough and hot enough, Mandy and Seth transported me across the room and popped me in. The water gave some relief, but I think I was generally past the point of relief! There was no “relaxing” at this point. The baby was almost in this world. I had 5 minutes in the tub before my daughter came out into the water, and then up out of the water and into my arms. It was the most glorious moment of my life.
My birth did not happen the way I thought it would! I’d predicted that it would be “fast”, but I had no idea what fast would feel like, how overpowering the experience would be. It was far more beautiful than any story I could have imagined beforehand. I raced into motherhood and everyone I loved was able to keep up! Mandy was my constant, something I really cannot overstate.
After my baby was in my arms, still connected by the cord, I laid back and opened my eyes for the first time since we’d arrived at the birth center 20 minutes before. I couldn’t believe it—my entire Blessing party had changed venues—the flags were hung, and all the girls stood holding the candles they’d brought to give me for my labor. Their love and support radiated out toward my new daughter and me. We hadn’t known the gender of our baby; how very appropriate that it was a girl, with so much feminine involvement!
Before my second daughter was born, I wanted to prepare my home and firstborn for the new baby. I called upon Mandy to help me with this. She entered my home with respect and never made me feel uncomfortable in my own home. She insisted that I rest as much as possible and asked me what I would like her to do in order to make me feel more at ease. She worked quickly and carefully; in fact she worked so well that we decided to hire Mandy to continue after the baby was born. She prepared meals for my older daughter, ran loads through the wash, babysat both girls and helped me manage the new challenges of being a mother the second time around. Her hard work allowed for me to bond with my new baby and that time was precious and irreplaceable. Mandy was a great investment for our family and for my sanity!
My husband and I both were so thankful to Mandy for the way that she participated in our birth. It was both professional, as well as intensely personal. She feels like a part of our family now. We’ll always be grateful that she served at the birth of our sweet Fiona.